Inside the Mind of a Girlfriend: A Look at the First Diary Entry

Before I jump into this discussion, let me give a brief introduction...

Hi, I'm Chelsea. You can call me Chel. I'm a 32 year old arts education on the administration track, but here writing this blog, creating is where I feel most myself. As I write my first blog post of many (that were never published), I want to welcome you all to this safe space to connect and share. Here I will share all of my creative interests, begin business endeavors and make some amazing friends along the way. Now that we have the business out of the way, let's jump into the story.

Okay, so I am about to begin the first discussion of many in hopes to connect with other women who have similar experiences or just want to enjoy some transparent, relatable reading. I want us to have open dialogue on some real life topics to help us grow, heal and build a safe community of women nurturing and supporting each other.

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Let's begin, Diary Entry 1.

At the age of 32, I am in my first adult relationship. My man and I have been "officially" together for just over two year. Prior to meeting him, I had not been in a relationship since I was 18. Now, I had a situationship that lasted years, but we will dive deeper into that in coming posts.

One of the biggest adjustments for me has been accepting I have someone who I can depend on and "feel safe." Those of you who have had emotionally traumatizing connections, I know you may understand this. When you have an amazing person who changes everything you know and have experienced in connecting with others, it can be really scary at first. It has taken me two years to let down my iron indestructible walls so that he can truly see me. Thank God he sent me a patient man because there were times I knew he should have left me. Not because we were in a bad space or causing each other pain, but I was not able to fully let him care for me without being defensive. I was so used to taking care of myself, healing alone, providing myself with motivation that I did not know how to let him "be my man" in some of the most important ways.

Fast forward to now, I understand that being soft doesn't mean I have less power. I no longer feel the need to take care of everything. My defenses are down because I know I am truly loved. The main reason for this is because God is number one in our relationship, but after that, we both make the choice every day to prioritize making each other feel respected, safe, heard and seen.

Now, I am a girlfriend who has learned to submit to her man because we are on the marriage track under God. We have discussed our future and make moves every day towards the goal of building our family. In being new to the role of girlfriend two years ago, it was not so easy for me to allow him to lead us.

So I pose the question...

Is it difficult for you to submit to your man and allow him to lead?